Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint

Sports, pop culture, and politics, Pittsburgh-style, with french fries on top.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Little Known Facts: Miami Dolphins Edition

The Steelers welcome the Dolphins to Pittsburgh tonight for the NFL season kickoff

  • Dolphins fans are quick to note that the team's former head coach Don Shula is the winningest coach of any known or unknown sport, in this or any other solar system. No one is certain who their current head coach is, but many analysts speculate that it may be Norv Turner.

  • Former running back Larry Csonka is the only NFL player whose last name was also used as one of the cartoon "punching" sound effects on the 1960's tv series, Batman.

  • On March 4th, 2006, the Dolphins traded a 2nd round draft pick to the Minnesota Vikings to acquire the shattered leg of Daunte Culpepper, along with the rest of his body. After removing and discarding the leg, Miami doctors replaced it with a titanium-based bionic limb, which experts believe will begin to malfunction by week two, causing Culpepper to fall to the turf and run in circles like Curly from the 3 Stooges. Which would still be better than his predecessor Gus Frerotte, whose hobbies include celebrating touchdowns by ramming his head into walls.

  • Former Dolphins head coach (and current Pitt Panthers head coach) Dave Wannstedt rents his mustache out to porn stars in the off-season.

  • Former Dolphins running back Ricky Williams really, really, really likes pot. Seriously. Like, forget 34... if he could have gotten the number 420 on his jersey he totally would have. Potheads enjoy asking Ricky Williams where Dave Wannstedt is, just so they can hear him say "Dave's not here, man". Did we mention Ricky Williams likes pot? 'Cause he really does. Like, more than Dave Chappelle.

  • Fromer Dolphins quarterback and Pittsburgher Dan Marino says that in 1999, he turned down an offer to become the Steelers' quarterback and instead opted to retire from the game. Many Steeler fans were dismayed at just missing the chance to throw garbage on the lawn of a future Hall of Famer.

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