Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint

Sports, pop culture, and politics, Pittsburgh-style, with french fries on top.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Let's Start The Healing

Here at Dorothy Mantooth, the last thing we want to do is write about Anna Nicole Smith. However, we believe that we have something potentially important to add to the debate that could put the ugly court battles to rest. To find the true identity of Dannie Lynn's father, there's only one person to call on:

Maury Povich.

Think about it. Whether he's sending our out of control kids to boot camp, employing the sleeveless Dee West to empower our abused wives or curing us of our long-standing fear of mustard and pickles, surely we can all agree that Maury is America's Healer.

But it's his prowess as paternity tester that we, as a nation, desperately need right now:



So, we're begging you, Maury: go to that courthouse. Cue up "I Like The Way You Move" by Outkast or "Come On Ride The Train" by Quad City DJ's and tell us who the baby daddy is.

Only after the music has stopped and Larry Birkhead has finished popping and locking, will we finally be able to heal and get back to focusing on the real issues facing this country. Like Britney Spears' mental health.

Help us, Maury Povich. You're our only hope.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Woy said...

My friend Plow King is afraid of cheese. I need to tell him to contact Maury.

8:11 AM  
Blogger J.T. said...

Good idea. And if you know anyone who gets nervous around tinfoil, I'm pretty sure Maury can help there, too...

8:22 AM  

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