Butt Seriously

When you head to the ballpark this summer, leave your smokes at home:

"The only smoking this year inside PNC Park will come via fastballs and hot bats. Beginning Opening Day, smoking will be prohibited anywhere in the ballpark."
-postgazette.com

Other bad things that have yet to be banned at PNC Park include:

• The Pirates' 783-996 record since 1996

• Jose Castillo's work ethic

• Flying weiners (from the Pirate Parrot's hot dog bazooka)

• Overall sense of malaise after Pirates are eliminated from playoffs by May

• Fire hazard caused by Nuttings belly-laughing while lighting cigars with flaming $100 bills

• Not tipping Derek Bell when he plays your request on the trumpet as you cross the Clemente Bridge

• Flying weiners (when Anna Benson returns to town)