Upcoming Big Ben Injuries / Maladies

To celebrate the Steelers' first win of the season (and without their starting quarterback, even), here's a list of injuries and medical conditions that we're sure will cause Ben Roethlisberger to miss future games:

• Carbuncles

• Speared through heart by Monongahela Stingray

• Boogie fever (I hear it's goin' around)

• (tie) Accidentally scorched by a disrespected Joey Porter's rage, which burns with the intensity of a thousand suns / Contracted mono from Joey's sweet, sweet kisses

• Dead ball

• Taking the browns to the super bowl (severe diarrhea)

Thanks to profootballtalk.com for letting us use the Ben "operation" picture. And by that, I mean we blatantly stole it.