Things To Do On The South Side When You're Drunk

Any Pittsburgher worth his or her salt has stumbled through the South Side at 1:00am after having a few too many at Jack's (or any of the other 4,672,348 bars). What most of us haven't done is tried infiltrate an F.B.I building afterwards:

"A Butler County man climbed the fence surrounding the FBI's South Side headquarters and started running alongside the building. Chased by a security guard, he scaled the fence again and was eventually caught hiding in some woods."
-Pittsburgh Post Gazette

We'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time since he's only 18 years old and obviously hasn't learned to hold his booze yet. Everybody knows that you don't scale the perimiter of a government facility after drinking on the South Side.

You go to Tom's Diner.

Next time, relax and have a gyro, kid.