Put Your Lettuce On Lockdown

We're sad to report that vegetable crime is apparently running rampant and unchecked in Somerset, PA:

"Someone kicked in the door of a man's apartment, stuck a knife in the door and took a chilled salad from his refrigerator."
-Pittsburgh Post Gazette

Lettuce be thankful that olive the other items in the house were left alone. The salad must have a peas'ed the thief, who obviously didn't carrot all about the victim. Although, it could have bean a much worse outcome, we suppose.

We're so, so sorry for this post. We know it leaves mushroom for improvement.

And no one could blame you for wanting to squash us.