Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint

Sports, pop culture, and politics, Pittsburgh-style, with french fries on top.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Friday Football Profile: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Warm and Fuzzy Edition)

The pattern which seems to have emerged is the following:

1. On Friday, I mock the Steelers' upcoming opponent.

2. On Sunday, the aforementioned opponent takes the Steelers out back, behind the woodshed, and kicks them square in the nuts. Repeatedly.

So, this week, we'll try a different approach. Reverse psychology, if you will.


Here are just some of the many great things about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers!

  • Their current quarterback, Bruce Gradkolozswesczowski, is from Pittsburgh! So, even if we lose, we still win! Unfortunately, he must not be that important to the Buccaneers, since they haven't bothered to put his picture on their website. But, I mean, he's only their starting quarterback, so it's no big deal.
  • Jon Gruden, the Buccaneers' head coach, is often compared with horror fan favorite, Chucky the killer doll! And much like Coach Cowher of previous seasons, if things don't go Gruden's way, he'll give you the frowning of a lifetime.
  • At cornerback, you'll find Tiki Barber! Or Ronde Barber. Wait. Sean Alexander? It gets a little confusing, but I'm pretty sure he's the guy who likes to go on and on about his success while driving a Cadillac in those commercials. Whoever he is, I'm sure the Steelers are in for some spirited trash talking!
  • They have cheerleaders! The Tampa Bay... Buccarettes... or something like that! Although they don't travel with the team, feel free to print out the picture to your right and throw a beer at it when the Buccaneers score for the fifth time this Sunday. Or do whatever you want to it. What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business, perv. Just leave me out of it and aim for the sweet spot between the chestal region and the chin. Good times!

Ahoy, matey, and enjoy the game.

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