Have We Learned Nothing From Billy Joel?

Every once in awhile, God smiles down on this blog and presents a story that was made to mocked. Today's tale comes to us from the storybook land of Wal*Mart in White Township, where a Coke deliveryman and a Pepsi deliveryman were involved in a kerfuffle earlier this week:

"It's not clear exactly what the bickering was about, but as the Coke employee left the store, the Pepsi guy called him over to the side of the Wal-Mart. There, police said, he "punched the victim three times in the face," breaking his nose and giving him a black eye."
-Pittsburgh Post Gazette

Action. Intrigue. Middle-aged men fighting over which sugary beverage is superior. Other than a beautiful princess riding on a winged unicorn, is there anything this story doesn't offer? Because if there is, I don't see it.

Also, in conclusion, the Shasta guy would have totally kicked both of their asses. Recognize, bitches.