ere at Dorothy Mantooth, the last
thing we want to do is write about Anna Nicole Smith. However, we believe that we have something potentially important to add to the debate that could
put the ugly court battles to rest. To find the true identity of Dannie Lynn's father, there's only one person to call on:
Think about it. Whether he's sending our out of control kids to boot camp, employing the sleeveless Dee West to empower our abused wives or curing us of our long-standing fear of mustard and pickles, surely we can all agree that Maury is America's Healer.
But it's his prowess as paternity tester that we, as a nation, desperately need right now:
So, we're begging you, Maury: go to that courthouse. Cue up "I Like The Way You Move" by Outkast or "Come On Ride The Train" by Quad City DJ's and tell us who the baby daddy is.
Only after the music has stopped and Larry Birkhead has finished popping and locking, will we finally be able to heal and get back to focusing on the real issues facing this country. Like Britney Spears' mental health.
Help us, Maury Povich. You're our only hope.
Labels: Signs Of The Apocalypse