Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint

Sports, pop culture, and politics, Pittsburgh-style, with french fries on top.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Creature Chronicle

It's Halloween and I'm trying to remember which monster scared me the most as a kid. Lets break it down:

The Mummy: Hmmm. Not so much. If you're the least bit mobile, you can escape this guy. It's time for a new gig if you're a monster and the people you're going after say, "Look. It's the Mummy. Walk for your life."

Creature from the Black Lagoon: Kind of a creepy dude, but pretty limited. The guy may have his shit together in the water, but I'm pretty sure he's a puss on land. Just run up onto the shore and watch him flop around on the beach.

Zombies: See "Mummy". Although, if you get some of those fast zombies they have these days, that could be trouble. I highly recommend that you click here for a more in-depth and entertaining essay on the undead, courtesy of, well, John Mayer.

Frankenstein's Monster: Here's a guy who I'd put into the "misunderstood monster" category. Like King Kong, he didn't ask for the situation he's in. THE MAN put him in the situation by bringing him back to life. Also, he's the only monster I can think of who goes to the trouble of wearing a sport coat, which is nice.

Wolfman: Things start to get a little more frightening here, for my money. He's fast, ferocious, and unpredictable. A real wild card. Luckily, like most of us, he can be undone simply by giving him a Coors Light. (The silver bullet.)

(Shut up, I got nothin' here.)

Dracula / Vampires: Scariest. They have those eyes that hypnotize you, they're good-looking and pleasant one minute, then butt-ugly and mean the next. They're quick and smart and ultimately evil. Like a politician.

Feel free to discuss in the comments section below.

If you dare. mwahaha.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. How about The Blob? Short of freezing, it's unstoppable! Not to mention disgusting and heartless (it ate a kitten). All the ingredients for a respectable monster.

2. You forgot Grace Jones.

2:29 PM  
Blogger J.T. said...

Good call on both counts. Equally frightening in their own way (especially Grace).

Maybe Michael Jackson should be on this list, too. He's sort of a modern-day Phantom of the Opera.

3:00 PM  

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