Neither Trick Nor Treat

To the delight of dogs and cats everywhere (and apparently chickens), Bob Barker announced today that he'll be retiring in June. Click here for the story.

In the meantime, here are some basic truths about The Price Is Right:

It's not known yet who will take over, but Bob says he hopes it's someone who will learn the show's 80 games forward and backward. That narrows the search down to 95% of America.

Maybe they'll go the "out-of-work-comedian" route that other game shows are taking with guys like Howie Mandel and Bob Saget. Personally, I think Andrew "Dice" Clay would bring a fresh and interesting sensibilty to the proceedings. And I'm pretty sure he's not that busy.

The best game? Don't even try to step to me with Plinko or the golf game, bitch. You know it's all about the yodeling mountain climber.

The worst? The big wheel. Of course, I may just be saying that because of my recurring nightmare that has me spinning the wheel, only to slip and have my ribs crushed as I get jammed under it, where I lie in pain until the fire department arrives with the jaws of life to pry me out, while Bob's Beauties look on.

Yeah, like you've never had that one.