The Price's Blight

Generally speaking, it's tough to name people from Cleveland who are cool and entertaining, but Drew Carey is the exception to that rule. That's why it's unfortunate (read: "funny") that he's been injured while practicing to take over the hosting duties on The Price Is Right:

Carey got his arm caught in a rotating apparatus while rehearsing leading a contestant through playing one of “Price’s” longest running competitions, the “Grocery Game.”
-Access Hollywood

Really? The Grocery Game? Isn't that the one where you just guess the prices of different things? I'm no doctor (or am I?), but I would have guessed that the worst that could happen with that one would be getting a mild headache. If you'd asked me, I would have told you that spinning the big wheel was the most dangerous part of the show. Or being attacked by a Samoan.

Pictures of Drew's jacked up arm can be found here.

Putting French Fries On A Salad Is Highly Illogical

Big news from the San Diego Comic-Con this week- a Pittsburgher has signed on to play young Mr. Spock in the upcoming big screen re-hash of Star Trek:

"Ending months of speculation, J.J. Abrams announced the first major casting in the director's hush-hush re-energizing of the Star Trek movie franchise by tapping Zachary Quinto to play Spock, the hyper-logical science stud with the pointy ears and Vulcan death grip."
-ew.com

If you're not familiar with Mr. Quinto's work, he plays the brain-eating "Sylar" on Heroes and also had a small role on 24 a season or two back, if memory serves. In 1995, he graduated from Central Catholic and in 1999, he graduated from Carnegie Mellon.

So there you go. If you expected some sort of Pittsburgh-related Star Trek pun, you've come to the wrong place. That's not what we're about. You'll also find no mention here of Quinto spending time in Mars or Moon to prepare for the role. This blog is much too high-brow for that type of thing. Also, I'm tired and can't think of any, so cut me some slack. I'm a doctor, not a writer.

Don't Make Fred Rogers Angry. You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry

Ten years ago this week, Fred Rogers received a lifetime achievement award from the Television Critics Association. Let's celebrate by watching the greatest Mr. Rogers segment ever:

Power To The People (Or How We Got Our NFL Network Back)

If you're a frequent reader of this blog, you know how crushed we were to find out that Comcast had taken away our NFL Network and was holding it hostage for more money. Where else could we find a neckless Jamie Dukes stuffed into a suit like a fresh sausage in its casing? How would we know which of the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders could perform a Herkie Jump well enough to make the squad? If not from Rich Eisen, where would we get our daily dose of snark?

After hours of lying in the fetal position, naked, in an empty bathtub, we decided it was time to take action. And take action we did. Here, now, are The Mantooth's tips for getting the NFL Network back at no extra cost:

1. Stay calm. Find your inner chi. You'll need patience and a cool head when dealing with the evil Comcast. Getting them to give you the NFL Network back may take a couple of days. But isn't seeing Deion Sanders in a Tom Landry hat worth it?

2. Make the call. 1-800-comcast. After cycling through quite a few voice prompts, you'll finally get to a human being.

3. Be firm but polite. The people you're talking to aren't personally responsible. They're just misguided stormtroopers on the Comcast Death Star. Express your displeasure that you're losing channels but still being charged the same rate.

4. Expect resistance. Expect to get the sales speech, telling you that for 6 extra bucks a month you'll not only get the NFL Network, but an entire sports package, featuring tennis and basketball! Stand your ground and let them know that you're not the type of pretentious a-hole who watches tennis on TV. But in a nice way.

5. The kid we talked to said that Comcast had planned to charge for the NFL Network all along and finally just got around to it. He phrased it as if we'd been lucky to have been getting the channel "for free" over these last couple of years. Which is bunk, but stay cool. Remain firm and you'll get passed on to the next level.

6. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Getting to the next level may take some time. After sitting on hold and listening to muzak for several minutes, a lady answered and asked what we were calling in regards to. We told her and she asked if someone could call us back, since they were experiencing a high call volume. Fine, we said. We looked forward to the call. The call came about 18 hours later and again came with resistance.

7. Play your big card. Politely explain that you're so disappointed over this that you're seriously considering dropping your service. If you have internet or phone service with the evil Comcast, don't forget to mention those, as well. Tell them that the competition is getting fierce and you're considering giving Dish Network or DirecTV a try. This seemed to genuinely shock the guy we talked with.

8. Get ready for them to blink. This is when the fellow we spoke with broke and offered us the NFL Network for free until the end of the year. Accept.

9. Sit down in front of your TV and enjoy the boyish charm and enthusiasm of Fran Charles.

10.Later, quietly ask yourself why you went through all that just so you could see continuous reports on what a douchebag Chris Henry Pacman Jones Tank Johnson Michael Vick is.

The Cable Guy Hates You

Those crazy folks at Comcast have figured a way to sneak a few more bucks out of your pocket. Namely, by charging extra for the NFL Network:

"Beginning this week, Comcast is moving the NFL Network into its sports entertainment tier, meaning those of you who want to see it will have to pay an extra $7 a month to purchase the entire package."
-The Pittsburgh Channel

Here's an idea, Comcast. How about you let us get rid of the 50 plus channels that we never watch but need to have in order to get digital cable and we'll keep our NFL Network. Really. For starters, we don't want your plethora of shopping channels, your religious channels, your golf network, or your dumbass E! Entertainment Channel. We bet we could come up with a few more, too. Keep all of those and just give us our NFL Network.

Deal?

Didn't think so.

Remember when companies used to work to earn your money instead of working to find new ways to take your money?

The Series Finale Of "The Sopranos Posts"

While we hesitate to add another word to the litany of coverage that the final episode of The Sopranos has garnered (apparently even David Chase's sexuality isn't off limits), we would be remiss not to show the video featured below, which unveils the true fate of Tony and company:

The Sopranos Finale

Well, that's it. Arguably one of the best and most influential shows on television has come to a close.

The episode brought some incredible tension, for sure, but if there's one thing-

Whaddayagunnado

Lots of people are anxiously awaiting the series finale of The Sopranos on Sunday night and we here at The Mantooth are no exception. Seems everyone has a theory on how the show will end; some speculate that Tony will go down in a hail of gunfire courtesy of the New York gang, while others think that T's destiny is life in the slammer. Some other possible endings:

• Tony is sentenced to life in prison where he is shockingly killed by a shiv between the ribs from his cellmate Paris Hilton, who has recently converted to the Muslim religion

• Tony aids the feds in foiling a terrorist attack and, in return, is entered into the witness protection program. In an O. Henry-esque twist, he begins his new life as "Ulf Soprannosen", defenseman and "enforcer" for the Philadelphia Flyers. In other words, hell on Earth

• Tony wakes up in Massachusetts to find Paulie Walnuts lying next to him in bed, under 70's-style plaid sheets

*Photo courtesy of goonblog.com. It fell off a truck. Whattayagunnado.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME

It's ironic that, much like a major disaster narrowly averted in the Fox series "24", Comcast and Sinclair have come to a last minute agreement that will allow the Fox network to stay on, at least for a few more days, here in Pittsburgh:

"Comcast Corp. and Sinclair Broadcast Group Inc., owner of local Fox affiliate WPGH-Channel 53, today extended an agreement that allows the cable company to retransmit WPGH and its Fox programs, including "American Idol" and "24," for 10 more days."
-Pittsburgh Tribune Review

As I understand it, Sinclair wants Comcast to pay to re-transmit its' free, over-the-air signal. Choosing who I want to win this fight is like being in prison and and having to pick which of my cellmates I'd like to have rape me. Can't we all just get along?

So, if you're a fan of American Idol, the good news is that the show will still air tonight. And thank God, because if it didn't...

Neither Trick Nor Treat

To the delight of dogs and cats everywhere (and apparently chickens), Bob Barker announced today that he'll be retiring in June. Click here for the story.

In the meantime, here are some basic truths about The Price Is Right:

It's not known yet who will take over, but Bob says he hopes it's someone who will learn the show's 80 games forward and backward. That narrows the search down to 95% of America.

Maybe they'll go the "out-of-work-comedian" route that other game shows are taking with guys like Howie Mandel and Bob Saget. Personally, I think Andrew "Dice" Clay would bring a fresh and interesting sensibilty to the proceedings. And I'm pretty sure he's not that busy.

The best game? Don't even try to step to me with Plinko or the golf game, bitch. You know it's all about the yodeling mountain climber.

The worst? The big wheel. Of course, I may just be saying that because of my recurring nightmare that has me spinning the wheel, only to slip and have my ribs crushed as I get jammed under it, where I lie in pain until the fire department arrives with the jaws of life to pry me out, while Bob's Beauties look on.

Yeah, like you've never had that one.

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Man, why didn't I think of this?

The ad wizards over at Volkswagen are running a promotion wherein anybody who buys or leases a VW gets a free guitar that they can plug into and play in their car.

What an amazing concept! I mean, who among us hasn't wished we could just shred our brains out like Hendrix inside a small German automobile?? Surely this will spawn a million copy-cat ideas involving other products, so here are some suggestions for other companies that want to jump on the bandwagon while the bandwagon's hot!

*Free trumpet with the purchase of any John Deere riding mower

*Hammond B-3 organ that plugs into the side of a Maytag dishwasher

*Complimentary drum kit set up in the back of a Chrysler Voyager

*Free keytar with select G.E. refrigerators

*Electric harmonica with purchase of Hamilton Beach toaster

*Set of maracas with any Yamaha motorcycle

Show n' Tell

Cranky old man alert. Proceed with caution.

So I'm watching the local news last night when something I heard jumped out at me. It was the beginning of the newscast and the pretty young female reading the day’s events was talking about a story breaking on the outskirts of Pittsburgh. She didn’t seem to have much information about the developing story, but assured me that another young lass was on the scene who would give us the details over the phone.

Up onto the screen popped a photo of the reporter, along with a picture of a phone and a map of where the reporter was, just in case I was still confused about what was going on.

The reporter-lady on the scene announced via telephone that she was indeed on the case, but that she didn’t have much in the way of information. However, she said that there was going to be a press conference very shortly and told the anchor lady in the studio that she would be back “later in the show” to bring us all the info. The anchor lady thanked her for her work and recapped to us that the reporter-lady would be back “later in the show”.

The show?

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines “show” as “a public exhibition of entertainment”. Which, I guess, is what the news has become. It just surprised me to hear them come out and finally say it.

Now, before I go any further, I know what you're saying. “It was an honest mistake. It’s only a word." But isn’t the nightly newscast a place where words should… oh, I don’t know… matter? And the fact that TWO, otherwise well-spoken people said it, makes it all the more sad to me. Oh, and did I mention that the story they were breaking on their “show” was about a murder?

We live in an amazing time. News gets to us immediately. On September 11th, 2001, we watched horrific events unfold across the country, as they happened. Unfortunately, the news has also become a race to see who can get the information to us first, so things like things like “words” and “facts” aren't quite as important as they used to be. And if news organizations spent as much time on those things as they do on the graphics and flags and swooshes and crawls along the bottom of the screen, we might be a little better off. Each network wants the flashiest presentation, so you’ll choose to watch them discuss stories about which they have little or no information. I guess that it’s in the midst of all that, that the line between “news” and “show” has become so blurred.

Is this simply a new generation of “newscasters” who don’t care that the news isn’t a “show”? Or are they just not bright enough to realize that there’s a difference?

Either way, it’s a sad state of affairs.

And, by the way, if you know what’s good for you, you kids’ll keep that ball outta my yard.