Doppler Live StormBlog 2000

5:42: I've decided to live blog Channel 4's coverage of this afternoon's storms. Refresh your browser often for breaking events! This can only end well.

5:46: Dr. Marilyn Brooks advises us to stay away from feces-laden water.

5:51: Wendy Bell and Michelle Wright are wearing the exact same jacket in different Easter-Egg pastel colors. Armageddon is nigh.

5:53: Stephen Cropper says Don Schwenneker is "quarterbacking the coverage". Like the Steelers! Good Lord, where are the Steelers?!

5:55: Another storm is set to destroy what's left of Pittsburgh between 8 and 9 tonight. Plan accordingly.

5:57: The maps are phenominal. In addition to the scary red blotches, there are now BURGUNDY BLOTCHES. WE'VE GONE TO BURGUNDY.

6:00: Sally's on the case, bitches.

6:05 Apparently there's something called "Lightning Tracker" that counts lightning strikes.

6:08: The Mayor speaks.

6:09: Mayor Luke says no major injuries. Is he LYING? We'll see, Luke. We'll see. Somebody get Jon Delano up in this piece.

6:12: The Mayor has handed it off to the Head Emergency Guy or somebody, who says that our resiliance has been tested today and that tonight we dine in hell.

6:15 Luke is fielding questions. SOMEBODY ASK IF THE STEELERS ARE OK!

6:21: Emergency Guy is back and says that we may be in the dark tonight. This conference sponsored by Ralph's Army Surplus, with the lowest prices on gas lanterns!
6:24: Back to the studio. Doppler FashionWatch: Sally has seemingly gone off the deep end and is dressed in a New York Yankees uniform.
6:26: Cropper and Schwenneker have developed something called the "Futurecast"! Can't they just use it to travel ahead in time and bring back the weather-controlling equipment that will be created in the year 2564??
6:30: WTAE has apparently been destroyed as Channel 4 goes to national programming. Somewhere, Don Cannon is just waking up.